This made me laugh

Many years ago I took my Mum, who was then still only in her 40's, shopping in a supermarket at Belper. She was a compulsive prodder - picking everything up and feeling it, whether she wanted to buy it or not. She was at the fruit section prodding some bananas when a nice young lady assistant approached her and said good morning, can I help you. My mum was so engrossed in what she was doing that she didn't hear her. I turned to the assistant and said you'll have to speak up as she hasn't got her hearing aid in today. The assistant went right up to mum's ear and shouted at the top of her voice HOW MANY DO YOU WANT, DEAR? Mum calmly looked at her and in her best Hyacinth Bucket voice said I'm not dead, you know. I absolutely pissed myself!

 

I just can't seem to get out of my 1970s Ford car
It's like I'm Cortina trap

 

.

 

BREAKING NEWS: Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus..

In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy.. He presented with vomit on his sweater already.. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti..

Let’s hope he’s cured with one shot!!..

 

If veggies can do it!!

 

Daddy, why do people hang horses?" asked my 4 year old daughter. "Nobody hangs horses darling" I consoled her on my lap. "Who told you that people hang horses?"

"I just heard mummy on the phone talking to auntie Sue, saying her new boss was hung like a horse".

 

still got one of these

 

New 2020 BMW 'twatsuit' released.

 

wont catch on, not enough pockets

 

Not much good is it, petrol tanks leaking!!!

 

Michelin used suits like that to advertise their tyres back in the day. Have to say they are fecking aweful looking....