This made me laugh

Tucker

 

Tucker

 

I have those VIAGRA biscuits, they stay hard when you dunk em

 

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What a crock of shite. 'Frenzied attack' my arse! Also noted is that he was out with his 'partner' (not his 'girlfriend' 'fiancé' or 'wife')
If he had taken as much of a kicking as they were saying he would have more bruises showing than that.

 

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Jurgen Klopp flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi boy play football. Klopp is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Chelsea with only 20 minutes left, Klopp gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.

The lad is a sensation, scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the lad comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.

'Hello mum, guess what?' he says 'I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me.'

'Wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten up and now your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time.'

The young lad is very upset. 'What can I say mum, but I'm really sorry..'

'Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!' screams his mum, 'it's your fu**ing fault we came to Liverpool in the first place!'