This made me laugh

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Havit, Sep 23, 2015.

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  1. Big Sandy

    Big Sandy WOOF! WOOF!

    Nov 14, 2018
    2,369
    800
    Fuck off you nosy cunt
    1 When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
    2 To me “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.
    3 When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
    4 Interviewer: “So, tell me about yourself.”
    Me: “I’d rather not. I kinda want this job.”
    5 Cop: “Please step out of the car.”
    Me: “I’m too drunk. You get in.”
    6 I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
    7 I had my patience tested. I’m negative.
    8 Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.
    9 If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say “Did you bring the money?”
    10. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
    11. Age 70 might be the new 40, but 9:00 is new midnight.
    12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
    13. I run like the winded.
    14. I hate when a couple argues in public and I missed the beginning, I don’t know whose side I’m on.
    15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”
    16. I don’t remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.
    17. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminium can stuffed with celery?
    18. I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
    19. When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”
    20. It’s the start of a brand-new day and I’m off like a herd of turtles.
    21. Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.
    22. That moment when you walk into a spider web suddenly turns you into a karate master.
    23. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
    24. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
    25. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
     
    • Funny Funny x 15
    • Like Like x 3
    • Agree Agree x 2
  2. Dave C

    Dave C Elite Member

    Dec 22, 2017
    1,831
    800
    North Dorset
    Brilliant Big Sandy and I had heck of a score on it :laughing:
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Like Like x 2
  3. SleepyOwl

    SleepyOwl Crème de la Crème

    Jul 26, 2019
    7,285
    1,000
    Cornwall
    .

    3DE9D9DC-7865-4645-884D-9928D859A507.jpeg
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Funny Funny x 2
  4. SleepyOwl

    SleepyOwl Crème de la Crème

    Jul 26, 2019
    7,285
    1,000
    Cornwall
    .

    0F3F5207-DCAC-4174-9095-485895ECB152.jpg
     
    • Funny Funny x 9
    • Like Like x 3
  5. SleepyOwl

    SleepyOwl Crème de la Crème

    Jul 26, 2019
    7,285
    1,000
    Cornwall
    Seems to work

    82132998_136850664450090_2769417692967337984_n.jpg
     
    • Funny Funny x 8
    • Like Like x 2
  6. darkman

    darkman Crème de la Crème

    Oct 26, 2015
    7,633
    1,000
    Southcoast of the UK Earth
    82517867_826813167763089_5914770716552593408_o.jpg
     
    • Funny Funny x 18
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Timmy Tucker

    Timmy Tucker Elite Member

    Apr 20, 2019
    3,174
    800
    Newmarket
    Screenshot_20200124-000837_Chrome.jpg
     
    • Funny Funny x 10
  8. Dave C

    Dave C Elite Member

    Dec 22, 2017
    1,831
    800
    North Dorset
    IMG-20200124-WA0003.jpg
     
    • Like Like x 7
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
  9. darkman

    darkman Crème de la Crème

    Oct 26, 2015
    7,633
    1,000
    Southcoast of the UK Earth
    83927573_10219318519267252_2265740379879899136_n.jpg
     
    • Funny Funny x 6
  10. Timmy Tucker

    Timmy Tucker Elite Member

    Apr 20, 2019
    3,174
    800
    Newmarket
    Screenshot_20200124-065809_Chrome.jpg
     
    • Like Like x 3
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  11. Yorkshireman

    Yorkshireman Crème de la Crème

    Dec 12, 2015
    3,399
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    Barnsley
    I can identify with a lot of those, and I’m gonna try number nine next time I’m out :p
     
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  12. David Cooper

    David Cooper Triumph Rocketeer.
    Subscriber

    '

    82852281_10215897774146358_5166107266310471680_n.jpg
     
    • Funny Funny x 6
  13. Don the Don

    Don the Don Bigger Than The Average Bear

    Nov 5, 2019
    2,947
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    MORAY UK


    Good days
     
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  14. David Cooper

    David Cooper Triumph Rocketeer.
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    '

    30291.jpg
     
    • Funny Funny x 11
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  15. thebiglad

    thebiglad Old fart, still riding !

    Sep 25, 2013
    5,066
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    Central France
    Hi Don, glad you posted that as I'd never come across it before, good track.

    Thanks
    Dave
     
    • Like Like x 1
  16. David Cooper

    David Cooper Triumph Rocketeer.
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    ;

    30312.jpeg
     
    • Funny Funny x 8
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  17. Big Sandy

    Big Sandy WOOF! WOOF!

    Nov 14, 2018
    2,369
    800
    Fuck off you nosy cunt
    It gets good results.

    Not as good as "Have you killed him?" though.
     
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  18. Don the Don

    Don the Don Bigger Than The Average Bear

    Nov 5, 2019
    2,947
    800
    MORAY UK
    No problem mate, take care
     
  19. David Cooper

    David Cooper Triumph Rocketeer.
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    .

    82617080_10158039429633832_2670933401380323328_o.jpg
     
    • Funny Funny x 12
  20. David Cooper

    David Cooper Triumph Rocketeer.
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    .

    30204.jpg
     
    • Funny Funny x 6
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