This made me laugh

Mysteries of Life Explained #37
'Why is There an Angel on Top of the Christmas Tree'.

Putting an angel on top of the Xmas tree is a tradition that dates back many years to one particular fretful Christmas season for Santa Claus.

It was Xmas Eve at the North Pole. Santa was feeling a tad frazzled. He was late getting things organised for the big night and was sweating buckets loading the sleigh.

Production in the toy factory and picking in the warehouse had been badly affected after half the elves went down with a bad dose of the flu.

Mrs Claus was on her monthly cycle and was just impossible to reason with and had everyone on edge.

Rudolf (the red-nosed one) had come off the wagon, had downed a few too many wassails and was in no fit state.

And to cap it all, Donner and Blitzen had a bad case of diarrhea and frankly things had gotten a tad messy.

Then at the last minute just as Santa was about to take to the skies one of the angels came running out carrying a Christmas Tree, 'Oh, Mr Claus! Mr Claus!! MR CLAUS!!!' she called, 'Where shall I put this tree?'

And without a moments hesitation he told her.

 

and you acccuse me of toilet humour Wayne. - Very funny

 

Please be advised that all employees planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the risks of using of open sleighs. The assessment must consider whether an open sleigh is an appropriate and safe means of transport, and whether a single horse will provide sufficient redundancy. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before any fields may be entered. To avoid offending other faiths not participating in Christmas, we must ensure that laughter is moderate and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

Shepherds planning to watch their flocks by night must ensure that appropriate high visibility clothing is worn and avoid the risk of hypothermia. Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds who will need them. Please be aware of the EU Working Time Regulations and ensure that any night time watching does not exceed the permitted working hours.

Those shepherds working near the the Angel of the Lord are reminded that they must wear eye protection to BS EN166, and suitable clothing avoid potential UVA and UVB exposure to the skin.

The Angel of the Lord must also ensure that proper screens meeting BS EN1598 are in place before shining his Glory all around. Any further failure to do so will result in disciplinary proceedings.

Following last year’s well-publicised case, everyone is advised that legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Employee R. Further to this, exclusion of Employee R. from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

The Three Kings who are reminded that their driving hours must comply with EC Directive 3820/85 and appropriate breaks must be taken. Records must also be kept of driving hours and break times to comply with regulations. They are reminded take care when entering the Bethlehem area to avoid creating undue disturbance during the hours of darkness.

While it is acknowledged that gift bearing is commonly practised in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered and may be taxable. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act.

Finally, for those involved in the recent case of Child J. found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been engaged and will be arriving shortly to take Child J. into care for the Christmas period.


Merry Christmas Everyone

 

Ha I know what you do for a living Mr Orange. you work for the same company I do.

 

have you seen this?

 

Brilliant - paints such great pictures in me bonce !

 

I remember that story being told by Gerard Hoffnung in the 1950s. Someone I knew had it on a record in the early/mid 1960s but it seems it goes back to 1958 at the Oxford Union - at least according to what I could find courtesy of Mr. Google.
So now there is a choice - sung version or spoken version. Both are excellent but the choice is yours.
Tap 'Gerard Hoffnung' into google and see what it throws up.
Nowt like a bit of choice!!
Nice one jtd!! Memories of my misspent youth!

 

I remember that story being told by Gerard Hoffnung in the 1950s. Someone I knew had it on a record in the early/mid 1960s but it seems it goes back to 1958 at the Oxford Union - at least according to what I could find courtesy of Mr. Google.
So now there is a choice - sung version or spoken version. Both are excellent but the choice is yours.
Tap 'Gerard Hoffnung' into google and see what it throws up.
Nowt like a bit of choice!!
Nice one jtd!! Memories of my misspent youth!

 

I heard it on radio 2. this time of year, though 20 years ago,radio alarm went off and, I as I was waking up this came on I started laughing and could nt stop. cheers

 

Nothing better than starting one's day with laughter induced aching sides!
'Tis a good story which conjures up all sorts of images in the mind!

 

Oo look!! I've posted me post twice!! Silly me!!

 

You're not taking the oui oui are you Mr Wayne, with your double post?