This made me laugh

Don’t Grouse you old Coot!

 

I bet you're well chough-ed with the bird jokes. Might have to google and half-finch some puns from other sites to keep up.

Have I got to eat crow for those? What a rook!

 

Somebody is ducking out of his go, no matter how obvious it should be to him...


@Duckadiledundee

 

He's probably already quacked up.

 

He’s probably fed up of being pigeon holed...

 

He should join in though..... Its a free for owl.

He'll just have to wing it.

 

He probably thinks we’re all total Bustards!

 

Enough ! Please ! I've got numerous cracked ribs already, please please please, stop it guys, I can't take any more.

 

Absolutely brilliant

 

Well that’s auk-ward. I’ll have to swift-ly swallow my pride and stop making a great tit of myself. Eider few more to share but I’ll be accused of stork-ing @andypandy , and I don’t want anyone saying “who let the puffin?” . It’s that kinda boobie I’d make... It’ll be a wren-ch but I’ll leave this lark to someone else!

 

A man on a business trip in Spain decides to take in a bull fight. After the event, he stops in to the little restaurant next to the venue called "The Matador". As he checks out the menu trying to decide what he wants, he sees a waiter bring a dish to another customer.

The other customer starts eating what appear to be two large meatballs with great gusto. When the waiter comes to his table, the man asks about the dish. "Oh Senor, that is the Matador Special," replies the waiter in broken English, "Our very best dish! Fresh vegetables, beans and zee cojones from zee bull. We get the cojones immediately after the bull fight. Exquisito!"

"Okay, that's what I'll have," says the businessman.

"But I am very sorry Senor, but that dish is only available once per day."

Disappointed, the man chooses another dish and plans to order the Matador Special the next day.

The next day the man goes to the bull fight again, and afterwards stops into the restaurant. Just as the waiter is coming to his table, he sees another waiter bringing the Matador Special to a customer who got there before him. "Damn!" he says to himself. "And tomorrow's my last day here."

So the next day, he skips the bull fight, and arrives at the restaurant early. He is the first one seated, and proudly proclaims, "I'll have the Matador Special!"

"An excellent choice, Senor!" responds the waiter. Soon afterwards, the waiter brings out his dish, but the meat balls are disappointingly small, and taste rather foul.

"What's with this," the now angry man shouts, "I thought this was your premier dish!"

"I'm very sorry, Senor," said the waiter, "But you see, sometimes zee bull, he wins."

 

Please, spare-row me!

 

Awesome, I've taken a tern for the worse now.....

We had an English English teacher at school, he didn't know what a speuch was. A girl in class summed it up for him...

"Two little dicky birds sitting on a barra,
One was a speuch, the other was a sparra."

Dunnock take that the wrong way!

 

.

 

The most common owl in Britain is the Teat Owl.

There's one in almost every kitchen.

 

,

 

Hammer drill.