This made me laugh

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is Scotsmen who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Irish

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto McTavish but my friends call me Paddy".

 

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What do you call a Chinese girl with a liquidiser?

Blenda.


Or, the Russian with three balls?

Hooja Nikabolokov

 

Japanese tourist is in the UK on holiday and needs some cash.

So he goes into the post office, and changes 1000 yen into sterling. The cashier gives him £75.49. He's okay with that.

Well, £75 doesn't go very far when you're on holiday. Next day he needs to change some more. At the post office again, he hands over his 1000yen, but this time he only gets £70, and he's a bit miffed.

He says "Other day, I got 75 poun, today you only give me 70 poun. Where my 5 poun?"

The cashier says "Fluctuations, sir".

Japanese guy says "Fluck you Europeans too, I still wan my five poun!"

 

Was unaware that my 'artistically enhanced' picture of Ron made it to Google until Ron e-mailed me an abusive message , just Google Ron ashurst and choose images, scroll down & hey presto!

The first image you'll see of Ron is him wearing a Bad Billy Racing tee shirt, I really have given him his 15 minutes of fame! .... Really no need to thank me Ron!

 

I did say there was no need to thank me Ron!

 

Just mentioned to the missus that I’ve always had a bit of a thing for Beyoncé. “Whatever floats your boat”. She said. “No” I said, “that’s buoyancy”.