This made me laugh

A stockboy is stacking fruit on a display, when a lady asks "Do you have any potatoes? "
The stockboy replies "Sorry ma'am, we are out of potatoes, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"
The lady looks around some more. A few mins later she runs back to him asking where the potatoes are.
The stockboy confused about her mental state simply tells her "Sorry ma'am, we are out of potatoes, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"
The lady looks around some more then goes back to the same stockboy and asks "Where the hell do you keep the potatoes, I need some potatoes right now!"
The stockboy, getting frustrated with his inability to explain the situation, tells the lady "Answers a couple of questions and I will get you your potatoes from the back."
The lady agrees and the man starts the questions.
"Spell cat for me, as in catastrophe " she says Ok, "C A T". "Very good!" the stockboy says, "now spell dog, as in dogmatic. "
The lady getting frustrated spells it correct. Now the employee finally asks "now spell, Fuck, as in potatoes. "
She replies "There is no Fuck in potatoes?"
To which the stockboy replies "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THE WHOLE TIME!"

 

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A husband wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party.
He is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
He had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, was a single red rose!!
He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect o...rder, spotlessly clean; so is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper.
His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating.
He asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT... Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed....
"Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

 

A school teacher asked her class to make a sentence containing the expression “I presume”.
One little girl held up her hand and said: “Yesterday my mother hand washed the dinner dishes so I presume the dishwasher was broken.”
“Very good” said the teacher.
Another one said: “This morning, my father drove the Volkswagen out of the garage. I presume the BMW wouldn’t start.”
“That’s excellent” says the teacher.
Little Johnny at the back of the classroom gets up and says: “Yesterday I saw grandpa leave the house with a newspaper under his arm and he headed for
the bush, I presume that....”
The teacher interrupted him and said, “I stopped you because you have no idea what your grandfather was going to do, so you can’t presume anything.”
Johnny says, “Please Teacher, let me finish my sentence.”
The teacher says, “Very well. Continue.”
“As I was saying, I saw my grandpa heading for the bush with a newspaper under his arm. I presume he was going for a shit because he can’t read.

 

Or “Do you think you have a penis”?

 

Go on Google and type in death diving (no, it's not morbid or bad taste stuff). You're welcome

 

A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach:

Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented. "I don't think that's going to help."

"Sure it will." He said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers.