This made me laugh

And don’t buy two boarder collies when paralytic

 

@Dougie D dont leave your bike unattended in Braemar!

 

When Paralytic & seeing double!

 

,

 

With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, “Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?”

“No,” said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled 20 Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.

She then asked him, “Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?”

“Uh… no, I haven’t,” he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.

She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties… and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill, and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.

“Now,” she said, “have you ever seen $50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?”

He said “No!”trying to hide his arousal.

She said….. “Check the garage.”

 

Saw this on Facebook.

 

So it’s been raining all afternoon down your way then Jez

 

Hope your mums ok mate, soon be beer o’clock

 

According to that map above I’m right on the border of hard as fuck and not the north, confused, think I’ll have another hen.

 

Like the advert says “ I saw that and thought of you”

 

My turn to cook dinner tonight, no idea what this shit will taste like but a few more hens and a glass or two of bushies and I won’t give a feck

 

That's nothing! I'm apparently a rent boy - and I've been doing it for free for all these years! Don't I feel stupid...

 

You can only ride one set of curves but which one?

 

Ride the bends n junk one off in a sock

 

The road. It would take a LOT longer

 

And she's probably not a good conversationalist.

 

It’s raining anyway so I am left with only one option