This made me laugh

Got it now ..never was good at History

 

Should read 'Yule go down in '*******'

 

Recent survey showed that Jewish men prefer watching certain porn movies in reverse. The majority said their favourite bit was when the whore gives back the money.

 

Not up to your usual standard Wayne. Yep I had to google it too.

 

There's a new drug on the market for depressive lesbians.

Trycoxagain.

 

I was chatting to an ex-service buddy the other day and reminded me about something that happened many years ago when we were both sprogs at Stalag Luft Swinderby. We were on separate recruit courses (3 years apart) but the same story was told to us both by the same Corporal Instructor.
So prise open your eyelids

A 30 man room contained a number of RAF course attendees and some cooks.
One night the 'Course' decide to go out en-bloc one night to celebrate, except the cooks as they were on early shift the next morning.
Duly tanked up the lads arrived back in the early hours of the morning.
Strangely every one was quite quiet then one guy puked on the shoes belonging to one of the cooks.
Nothing was said until near the end of the course.
The cook who shoes had been filled with stale beer, a fish supper and last night tea, was asked if he ever found out who had been sick in his shoes.
"No" replied the cook "but I know who ate it".

 

Saw this on the good old BBC website and though how appropriate for this form especially for those in and around Pie City (aka Wigan)


Meat and potato pie 'sent into space' from Wigan
A meat and potato pie has been sent "into space" attached to a weather balloon.

The pioneering delicacy was launched from Roby Mill, Wigan, at about 11:30 GMT ahead of the World Pie Eating Championship next week.

The aim is to see if its journey up to 100,000ft (30km) changes the molecular structure of the pie making it quicker to eat.

It is believed this is the first pie to be launched into the stratosphere.

Space enthusiasts from Sheffield-based SentIntoSpace have attached a camera and tracking equipment to the weather balloon and will analyse the data and edit video of its journey.


'Pie's the limit'
Bill Kenyon of Ultimate Purveyors from St Helens, who were commissioned to make the pie, said: "This is the first step to enable mankind to consume pies with more elegance and comfort.

"Neither the sky, nor the pie, should be the limit."

He added: "This pie will be tested to the extreme. It's structural integrity will be tested against the potential rigours of being served by a grumpy pie lady from Wigan or being transported for delivery in a pie van that hits a pothole in Hindley."

It is thought the pie will freeze on its ascent and will be cooked as it reaches "massive speeds" on re-entry.

The World Pie Eating Championships 2016 is to be held at Harry's Bar, Wallgate Wigan, on 20 December.

 

Went to join the tourettes society last night. It was great, I was sworn in straight away.

 

Hi Sceptic All,
Having done 20yrs in the Army here in OZ, I can believe that story ! It was my experience that Corps (trade streams for you civies !) That weren't to be messed with were the cooks and the workshops Johnnie's ! I was a Mechanic in the RAEME, for some strange reason we never got mess or gardening duties and only did occaisional guards. Must have been as a result of all the "pranking" or "revenge" type activities that would occur if any abuse was perceived by us "tradies". We were much better behaved if left alone... LOL !

 

Last year I bought the missus a Fridge for her Christmas. Not thoughtful or romantic but you should have seen her little face light up when she opened the door.

 

When new Erks (junior airman to those of a civilian disposition) they were taught which other sections which they should always be nice to and definitely never pi** them off.
1. Station or Squadron Admin. They can really fnuk up with pay, allowances, leave, travel warrants, promotion, life in general.
2. Stores. If you want new kit, replacement kit, or something special that looks nice but you're not entitled to it or if your on deployment and want to send stuff back to Blighty without it getting Christmas Tree'd, (Stackers would draw a Christmas tree on the package and it wouldn't arrive at the destination until all the branches had a bauble drawn on it)
3. Catering. Says it all.
4. Air Movements. When you're getting near your TourX date (end of deployment date for those with of a civilian disposition), it was ALWAYS a good tip to make friends with these guys.
5. RAF Regt Training Section. Always a good tip to be a good boy/girl if you wanted an easy time doing weapon/NBC/First Aid and field skills training.
Oh happy days, glad they're over but have never regretted a minute of them.

 

You had Erks (jerks who irked you would be my guess !) We had Mangoes , Pongoes and Drongo's. Mangoes were all the fighting Corps ! Infantry and Artillery etc ! Called such because really green on the outside, soft and gooey on the inside ( brainless) Pongoes were all the support Corps, Medics, Pay ,stores , transport etc, called pongoes because where ever the mangoes went the pong ( smell ! follows !) A Drongo is a bird which is highly intelligent and mimics others to the point where it can be indistinguishable from those it mimics ( vocal calls and movements) these were the tradies, the workshops RAEME ! We looked and sounded like Mangoes and Pongoes. almost indistinguishable but Not ! Definitely not Green and soft ! Smart and intelligent enough to blend in and hide our true worth from those who tried to abuse our capabilities. We got rubbished by the lowest of the low but smiled through it all .....

I remember a Gunner (Artillery) asking us workshop wallies to affix a civilian radio to his vehicle, wire it in and put the speakers in hidden places within his Landover. He thought we would take days to get it done ! It was in hidden behind the dash and firewall in minutes, speakers placed in seat backs and hard wired and fused off the vehicles battery hidden switching and all ! When he came back to pick it up he was so pleased he gave the workshops twice the going rate ! But asked us for some help in prepairing for any likely repairs , so we gave him spares fuses and wire etc. Oh and woodex welding rods if the speakers should break out of the wood backed seats in the cabin. LoL.