This made me laugh

I though people pissed in the beer in Wetherspoons, feckin tastes like it.

 

.

 

.

 

Eyes in the back of his head?
If I was there then I would have been caught in the picture bang to rights

 

.

 

in the usa its snipe hunting and jackalopes

 

Cool, where is the best hunting to be had? I’ll book a ticket right away!

 

I phoned David Attenborough and he told me there is a colony near three mile island...

 

Smallville, Kansas

 

I was offered sex today by a twenty six year old woman. In exchange of that I was supposed to advertise some kind of Bathroom cleaner on my Facebook page. Of course I declined because of my morals and strong willpower. Which is just as strong as Ajax. The super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available scented with lemon or vanilla

 

.

 

Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to their position in life and it's clear that they are trying to one-up each other.
The first one says, "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation," and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.
The second one says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride.
Number three says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and we don't have any material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my husband is that thirteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis."
After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make. I was just trying to impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well, it's not to the French Riviera, it's to my parents house for two weeks."
The second one says, "Your honesty has shamed me. It's not a Mercedes, he bought me a Fiat 500."
"Well," the third one says, "I also have a confession to make, canary number thirteen has to stand on one leg!"

 

The world is NOT flat....

 

.

 

How was your work today?

 

There's two answers:

His - Fcuking great!

Her's - Very painful and ever so slightly awkward at times - like the 15 hours he spent on my boobs and arse. Do you suppose I might regret this tattoo? I'm having doubts...

Edit: After scanning the photo again, I am not sure he's a boob and arse man...
Edit of an edit: I am not sure he's a boob man.

 

Hopefully its airbrushing!