This made me laugh

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A Geordie can read?

 

Guess which one had the Geordie boyfriend...

 

It looks like Boris may become prime minister after storming the first round of Voting.

I would just like to say to our American cousins who voted in Trump.

Anything you can do, we can do better.

 

Two years after Grenfell, the search for a scapegoat continues.

I don't mind the witch-hunt, but the torches are probably a bad idea.

 

This guy is collecting fares on a bus in alabama, when a man says he only has a $50 note, an argument ensues about the correct change and having to get off etc, It ends up with the passenger being bludgeoned to death violently with the ticket machine .

The bus company employee is sentenced to death, they strap him in the chair and throw the switch ...
Then again, and again and again but he wouldn't die .

They reckon he was just a bad conductor.

 

Got a phone call at home last night from a police officer at the hospital .

He said "sir I'm afraid your wife has been in a serious road traffic accident"

I said, "oh my god is she critical?"

He replied "she's not stopped complaining since she got here"

 

Tucker

 

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A woman was having sex in an apartment 20 floors high with another man. She then heard her husband coming..
She told her lover to stay like a robot and not to move.
Husband: What is this?
Wife: This is a robot I bought to have sex with when you are traveling...
Husband: Okay.. Lets have sex now...
Wife: No sweetheart.. Yesterday I got my period, so I will go and make a cup of coffee for you..
After she left the husband said: Damn I am so horny, I will fuck this robot...
He tried fucking. The man started talking in a metallic robotic way..
"System error
Wrong hole
System error
Wrong hole.."
Husband: Damn robot is not working properly.. I am throwing it out of the window..
The lover realized that he was on the 20th floor he said:
"SOFTWARE UPDATED"
"PLEASE TRY AGAIN