This made me laugh

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i'll try that at work

 

I hope this concept doesn’t catch on as I’d be broke and have less hair than Kojak...






For anyone under 55, Kojak was a long running detective show from 1973-78 starring Telly Savalas - a bald actor...

 

Based on his name and/or his naughty behaviour...

Mr Tickle was a bit of a perve... sticking his arms through a letter box, up the stairs and along the landing to ‘tickle’ little Miss Fun in her bed... oh-er!

 

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"

He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."

I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

 

How do you milk sheep?

Release a new iPhone.

 

What's the difference between red and green?

Apparently fuck all if you're a cyclist.

 

I have been a compulsive gambler for years, finally I have come up with a foolproof system, that will guarantee I never lose and only win.

I've started up my own online gambling company.

 

Theresa May and Phillip went back to their hometown, and did an event where some of the public got to interact with them.

This grubby working-class guy who was clearly a manual labourer came up and said, "Hi Theresa."

Theresa looked at him and said with some warmth, "Oh John, it's so good to see you ! What are you doing with yourself these days ?"

"I'm a bricklayer," he replied, "It's not anything on your level, of course, but it puts food on the table."

Later, after that guy had gone, Phillip asked Theresa, "You know him ?"

Theresa replied, "Darling, you won't believe this, but John and I went on three or four dates back in school before we met... Just think, instead of a bricklayer, John could easily have been the husband of the Prime Minister."

"No," replied Phillip, "You'd just be married to some bricklayer."

 

It's been a bit of a strange day...

First I found a hat full of money.

Then I was chased by a man with a guitar...

 

Tucker