This made me laugh

I bet she would if she ever needed to run for a bus or a train - or anything really!! Instant concussion!

 

Ukraine has announced plans to open Chernobyl as a theme park. They say ”Its just like Disneyland.”

Yeah except the 6-foot mouse is real..

 

Politicians and drugs...

Diane Abbott has admitted to trying to snort coke, however, she admitted that the ice cubes always got stuck in her nostrils.

KIDS: Don't do drugs, unless you want a future in politics of course.

If it was up to me, I would make it compulsory for all politicians to take drugs.
As long as it was truth serum.

 

My favourite Michael Gove anagram is 'Irksome Bellend'. Sorry, not anagram, I meant synonym.

 

Blah Blah Blah.

 

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Went to see a concert performance by the royal bermuda philharmonic orchestra .

Half way through the first symphony the triangle player vanished .

 

My hallucinating isn't getting any better - I thought I saw a sausage fly past my window, but it was actually a seabird.

I think I've taken a tern for the wurst.....

 

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Special Bolts for restorers

 

Can you get these at Screwfix