This made me laugh

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Read elsewhere:

Mr Singh walks into a bank London and asks for the loan officer. He says he's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so Mr Singh hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, which costs quarter of a million pounds.

“The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,” says Mr Singh, “and I have all the necessary papers.”

The bank officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. After Mr Singh leaves, the loan officer, the bank's president and all their colleagues enjoy a good laugh at the man for using a £250,000 Rolls Royce as collateral against a £5,000 loan.

One of the employees drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, Mr Singh returns, repays the £5000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41.

The loan officer says, "Sir, I must tell you, we’re all a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and discovered that you’re a multimillionaire. Why would you bother to borrow £5,000?"

The man replies, "Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41?"

 

Looks a tit bit nipply.

 

The F-word
Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language is the word "Fuck." It is the one magical word, which, just by it's sound describes pain, pleasure, love, and hate. In language, "Fuck" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an active verb (Mary doesn't really give a fuck); or an adverb (Mary is really fucking interested in John); and as a noun, (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful). As you see, there are very few words with the versatility of "Fuck."

Besides it's sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

It can be used in an anatomical description ---- "He's a fucking asshole."
It can be used to tell time ---- "It's five fucking thirty."
It can be used in business ---- "How did I end up with this fucking job?"
It can be maternal ---- as in "Motherfucker."

Famous F-word Quotes:
"What the fuck was that?" -- Mayor of Hiroshima
"Where did all these fucking Indians come from?" -- General Custer
"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?" -- Captain of the Titanic
"That's not a real fucking gun." -- John Lennon
"Who's gonna fucking find out?" -- Richard Nixon
"Heads are going to fucking roll." -- Anne Boleyn
"Any fucking idiot could understand that." -- Albert Einstein
"It does so fucking look like her!" -- Picasso
"How the fuck did you work that out?" -- Pythagoras
"You want what on the fucking ceiling?" -- Michaelangelo
"Why?- Because its fucking there!" -- Edmund Hilary
"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?" -- Joan of Arc
"Scattered fucking showers my ass." -- Noah
"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head." -- John F. Kennedy

The mind boggles at the many creative uses of the word FUCK! Use it regularly in your daily speech. It will add to your prestige

 

Dear friends and colleagues,

Over the past few weeks I have received many funny images or jokes and have posted them to friends and colleagues who I thought shared the same sense of humour.

Unfortunately, I seem to have upset a few people and received criticism for being sexist and shallow.

So, from now on I am only posting content of general interest to all persons of sensibility and good taste. Content such as natural beauty, phenomena, places of historical significance or general interest. I am sure you will all agree the attached picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge, Toulouse, France, has great historical value surrounded by phenomenal natural beauty.

Thanks and regards

 

I’m currently watching The Wire on box sets, I know I’m behind the times but bear with me, but that makes Ray fuckin Donovan look like an episode of emmerdale (whatever the fuck that is)

 

Arse!

Bummers, even.

 

Whatever she’s looking for I hope it takes her a long time to find it

 

Gotta love those Sheila’s

 

Yeah - and their mate stood behind with a fishing rod and reel... Unless Auzzies have high speed non-wriggling variety of snakes...

 

View attachment 61064

 

Well, it made me fuckin laff, and that’s the thread title

 

I laughed too. It was just was a bit lame. Kinda like that photo shopped BMW adventure bike doing things a super bike could only dream of.

Sorry if I spoilt the thread.

 

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Circus Adoption

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

So the couple produce photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.

The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.”

Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.

This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.”

The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?”

The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon.”