This made me laugh

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Paddy and Murphy fancy a Pint but only have a £1 between them. Paddy goes off and buys a sausage.
Murphy says are You mad? Now we're skint! Come on says Paddy follow Me.
They go into the pub order two pints and drink them before they pay. Paddy shoves the Sausage through the zipper of his Jeans and tells Murphy to get down on his Knee's and suck it. The Barman go's berserk and throws them out.
10 pubs and 10 pints later Murphy says..
'I cant do this any more, my Knee's are sore and I'm pissed.
How do you think i feel? Says Paddy, I can't even remember which Pub I lost the Sausage in!?

 

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.

Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half, but accidentally sends her the bottom half of the picture.

He is really worried when he realizes that he has sent the wrong half. But then he remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is and hopes she won't notice.

A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says:

"Thank you for the picture. You should change your hair style... it makes your nose look too short"

 

German Motoring Phrases:-
1. Die BlinkenLeitein Tickentocken Indicators (not fitted to BMWs)
2. Pullknob und KnuckleChoppen Bonnet
3. Der SpitzenPoppenbangentuben Exhaust
4. Das Kulik nut Schlippenund Shaken Clutch
5. Der Phlatt mit Bloodyfukken Puncture
6. Der Twatten mit Elplatz Learner Driver
7. Das Bagsaroomfurschagginkin Estate Car (or BMW Touring)
8. Der FlippenFlappenschitspreader Windscree Wipers
9. Der KlunkenKlinkenfrauleintrappen Seat Belt
10. Das Buch fur Arsewipen Highway Code
11, Die Dippen Dazzel Eiblinden Headlights
12, Der Pedalpuschenpilloken Cyclist
13, Der Fukkengratetrucken Lorry
14, De Bananawaltzen Skid

 

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