This made me laugh

Donald Trumps crazy rationale..
HISTORICAL FACT
Who says building a border wall won't work?The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any Mexicans.

 

I laughed out loud at the 250 guys, and I am still trying to workout which number I am. Definitely not the track only guy.

 

The wife was texting me all day yesterday saying she was in casualty, I watched all 50 minutes of it last night and I didn't see her once. She's still not home yet either and I'm getting hungry!

 

I guess I would be No:7 commuter...doing 300 miles aweek and polite as pie.

 

He told Paddy that he should paint two miles of road in a day's work.

After the first day, the foreman was pleased to find that he'd painted four miles of road instead of the two required.

On the second day, Paddy completed painting just 2 miles of road.

The foreman was a bit disappointed, but didn't complain as this was, after all, only what he'd asked for.


On day 3, the foreman was disappointed to find that Paddy had painted only one mile of road, and so asked, "On yer first day, ya did four moiles of road. On yer second ya did two moiles. But on yer tird day ya only did one moil. What's up?


Paddy replied, "Well, oil tell ya what's up, but I tought a clever bloke loik you woulda been able ta figger it out fer yerself!

Yer see, every day I gets ferder an' ferder away from de paint can!

 

One morning, His Majesty the lion calls all the animals in the jungle to a meeting.
"Right," says the lion, "I want every one of you to go out hunting and bring me back as much meat as you can. Anyone who fails to bring me meat I will batter to death with my dick!"
Later that day, a rabbit turns up with a basket of carrots.
"You have to understand, Your Majesty, I'm a rabbit, I can't hunt, but I've brought you a basket of carrots."
The lion towers over the rabbit and starts battering it with his dick.
The rabbit cries, laughs, cries, laughs, cries, laughs ...
"Why are you crying?" says the lion.
"It hurts," says the rabbit.
"And why the fuck are you laughing?" says the lion.
"I've just seen the hedgehog," says the rabbit, "and he's gathering mushrooms."

 

What's a Greek urn - about £20 a week if he's lucky nowadays !!!

Anyway.................................

Paddy goes to the chemical factory for a job.

The manager asks “ Paddy, do you know what nitrate is?”

Paddy replies “ I’m hoping, it’s time-and-a-half Mick”

 

Shaun says to Paddy “ I think my wife is sleeping with another man and I think he’s got ginger pubes”

Paddy replies “ I certainly do not have ginger pubes”.

 

Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster.

Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus

 

Paddy says “ Mick can you help me with this jigsaw, it’s supposed to be a tiger”

Mick says “ Paddy, put those friggin frosties back in the box will you”.

 

Paddy phoned Jet2 to book a flight.

The sales assistant asks “ and how many people will be flying with you”

Paddy replies “how should I know that, it’s your friggin plane.”

 

Mick says to Paddy “it might be a good idea to keep your windows and curtains closed when you’re

getting jiggy with the wife.”

“How so” replies Paddy

Mick says “ well, last night the whole street could hear you, laughing and chuckling, and all those noises you were both making.

Paddy replies “ is that so Mick, well the joke on them. I was in the ‘Clover Leaf Pub’ for a few guiness last night. I always am Monday nights. You can check with Shaun, altho Shamus was busy somewhere.

 

and finally......................

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their first wedding night

She undresses and lays in the centre of the bed , spread-eagled.

She says “ you know what I want, do’nt you”

Paddy replies “ the whole friggin bed by the looks of things”

 

And I wanted to say if it wasn't for venetian blinds it would be curtains for all of us !
Beat me to it !

 

Well it won't be for upstairs - he's got nout upstairs.

 

The American government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After 1 year and $180,000,they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the U.S. published the study, the French decided to do their own study. After $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

The Irish, unsatisfied with those findings, decided to conduct their own study. After 2 weeks, a cost of around $75.46, and many pints of beer, they concluded that it was to keep the man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.