This made me laugh

On Monday morning the Postman is walking through the neighbourhood on
his usual route, delivering the mail. As he approaches one of the homes
he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. His wonder was cut
short by Dave, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and
spirit bottles for the recycling bin.

'Wow Dave, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,' the
Postman comments.
Dave, in obvious pain, replies 'Actually we had it Saturday night. This
is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We
had about fifteen couples from around the neighbourhood over for some
weekend fun an...d It got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around
midnight that we started playing WHO AM I.'

The Postman thinks a moment and says, 'How do you play WHO AM I?'
'Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with
a sheet covering us, with only our 'family jewels' showing through a
hole in the sheet.. Then the women try to guess who it is.'

The Postman laughs and says, 'Sounds like fun. I'm sorry I missed that.'

'Probably a good thing you did,' Dave responded. 'Your name came up
seven times...

 

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https://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/a8i6z5/ferrofluid_on_a_magnetic_screw/

 

A man walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.

“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my dick inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He’ll then open his mouth and I’ll remove my dick unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.”

The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his dick in the alligator’s open mouth.

The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his dick unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. “I’ll pay anyone £100 who’s willing to give it a try”.

A hush fell over the crowd.

After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

A woman timidly spoke up. “I’ll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.”

 

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If you’re a football fan, type ‘shit hole’ into google maps......properly made me laugh

 

Twat

 

????? nothing

 

That’s two of us he got

 

I got White Heart Lane and Dingles FC.

 

Take it you’re a Spurs fan