This made me laugh

,

 

The Ultimate Christmas Tree

 

Two French paratroopers were seconded to the SAS for special training.
After the first day they met up in the bar.

"Ah,Pierre," asks one,"'ow 'av you been doing?"

"Merde!" answers Pierre."I 'av 'ad ze most terrible day.Terrible! At seex zis morning I was woken by zis beeg 'airy sergeant.'E dragged me out of bed and onto ze parade ground."

"And zen what 'appened?"enquired his mate.

"I will tell you what 'appened! 'E made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform five ft off ze ground and zen 'e said "Jurmp!"

"And did you jurmp?"asks his mate.

"I did not.I told 'im - "I am a French paratrooper.I do not jurmp five feet.Eet is beneath my dignity."

"And zen what 'appened?"asks his mate.

"Zen 'e made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform ten feet off ze ground,and 'e said "Jurmp."

"And did you jurmp?"asks his mate.

"I did not.I told 'im - "I am a French paratrooper.I do not jurmp ten feet.Eet is beneath my dignity."

"What 'appened zen?"asks his mate.

"Zen 'e made me climb urp zis rickety platform un'undred feet above ze parade ground.'E undid 'is trousers,took out zis enormous weely,and 'e said
"If you do not jurmp,I am going to steek zis right urp your burm!"

"Sacre Bleu,mon ami" says his mate."And did you jurmp?"

"A leetle,at ze beginning."

 

Think i will change my name to DIck