This made me laugh

Two Crocodiles

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the Adelaide River.

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids - I just don't get it.'

'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'On the other side of the river near the car park in Darwin.'

'Same here. Hmm.....How do you catch them?' asked the big Croc.

'Well, I crawl up under one of their big Lexus, BMW or Mercedes cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the **** out of them and eat 'em!'

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the **** out of a Politician, there's nothing much left but an ******** with a briefcase.

 

went into a shop today and saw a guy walking round in a pair of football type shorts and trainers carrying a crash helmet. Its alright though...he was wearing these


He was also wearing a fleece which said Triumph on the back.

 

Do you think the traffic would mooove over

 

A young woman started work in the small English Village chemist shop. She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.
The Chemist was going on holiday for a couple of days, and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own.
She had to confide in him her worries about selling condoms.
"Look" he said. "My regular customers don't ask for condoms; they either ask for a 310 (small); a 320 (medium); or a 330 (large).
The word condom is never mentioned".

The first day was fine, but on the second day a large black guy came into the shop, put out his hand and said "350" please.

The girl panicked.
She phoned the Chemist on his mobile and told him of her predicament.
"Go back in and check if he has a bucket hanging between his legs," her boss told her.
She peeped through the door, and saw the bucket hanging between the guy's legs.
"Yes!" she shouted down the phone. "He's got one hanging there!"
The boss replied, "Well, go back in there and give him £3.50 ...he's the window cleaner!"