This made me laugh

Not being picky but if he was being beamed up, wouldn't the line go down the page

 

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Oh, I've confused myself now

 

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Just bumped into an old mate today. I said, "What are you doing these days?" He said, "I prepare meals for the homeless, drug addicts, piss heads and down and outs." I said, "Oh, are you working for the Salvation Army?" He said, "No. Wetherspoons!"

 

EXCELLENT MEDICAL ADVICE

I do not understand why prescription medicine is allowed to advertise on TV or why anyone would think of trying one of the medicines after listening to the laundry list of warnings of possible side effects.
But this is definitely an exception!

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
Do you sometimes feel stressed?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon.

Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you are ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately, and, with a regimen of regular doses, you will overcome obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past.
You will discover talents you never knew you had..

Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone.
Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it but women who would not mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:

dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare and Naked Twister.

Warnings:

The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.

The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster, and better looking than most people.

Please feel free to share this important medical information!


“LIFE IS A CABERNET OLD CHUM”!


This ones been tested !!!!

 

Paddy's wife was ready to give birth so he rushes her to hospital.On arrival the nurse asks "How dilated is she?" To which paddy replies,"Oh Jaysus we"re both over the fucking moon

 

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