This made me laugh

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Our kid had a lovely MGB. It eventually needed some minor welding or similar for its MOT and so sat on our parents drive until “he got round to it”... eventually, when the parents had enough and were fed up of the rivers of orange driveway stain after every rainfall, they made him sort it out - one way or anther - unfortunately, it was the other, it was so shagged that the joke was it was quicker to give it a stout kick and sweep the bugger up!

An almost criminal waste of a lovely car!

 

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Left-hand driven car, fortunately...

 

Three Aussie blokes are working up on an outback mobile phone tower:
Mongrel, Coot and Bluey.

As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed
instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, 'Well, bugger me,
someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife.

Mongrel says, 'Ok, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.

Bluey says, 'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?'

'Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies.

'That's unbelievable! You told the missus her husband was dead and she gave
you a case of beer?'

'Well, not exactly', Mongrel says.

'When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Coot's widow."

She said, 'You must be mistaken.. I'm not a widow.'

Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are..'

 

I gave a local handyman a list of 10 jobs to do at my house, he only did 1,3,5.7 & 9??
When I asked him why he didn't do 2,4,6,8 & 10 he said he was an odd job man!

Pass my coat, I'm off!

 

Well Warrior is not a ‘tank’ whatever Lieutenant Gruber or Dorset Police say......it is an Infantry Fighting Vehicle not a main battle tank.

 

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.

 

Five rules for men to follow for a happy life:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.