This made me laugh

On my bucket list was juggling 5 flaming chainsaws whilst riding a motorbike.
I went to my nearest juggling school and explained what I wanted to do.
They said it was too advanced and I would have to learn to juggle with the basics first.


I never did acheive this.


I didn't have the balls to start!!

 

A man is stranded alone on a desert island for 10 years.

One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship".
The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat".
The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft".
Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blond woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and she says:
- "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
- "Ten years!" he says.

She reaches over, unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says:
- "Man, oh man, is that good!"
Then she asks:
- "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"
He replies: "Ten years!"

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says:
- "Wow, that's fantastic!"

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him:
- "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?"
And the man replies: "My God! Don't tell me you've got a motorcycle in there!"

 

Excellent Steve !!!!

 

Well that a really Golden Oldie, still made I chuckle though

 

The Perks of Being Over 50​

• Kidnappers aren’t interested in you​
• In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first​
• No one expects you to run - anywhere​
• People call you at 9:00 pm and ask, “ Did I wake you??”​
• People no longer view you as a hypochondriac​
• There is nothing left to learn the hard way​
• Things you buy won’t wear out​
• You can eat supper at 4:00 pm ​
• You can live without sex but not your glasses​
• You get in to heated arguments about pension plans​
• You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge​
• You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks in to the room​
• You sing along with elevator music​
• Your eyes can’t get much worse​
• Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off​
• Your joints are far more accurate meteorologist than the national weather service​
• Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either​
• Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size​
• You can’t remember who sent you this​
• And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience​