This made me laugh

My wife said if I took one more picture of her she'd leave me... That's when I snapped!

 

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I agree - they ought to be educated before being given herring!

 

A politician dies. Instead of going straight to heaven or hell, a spirit appears to him.



The spirit tells him that, rather than being judged for his sins, he gets to choose whether he goes to heaven or hell.

The politician replies that of course he wants to go to heaven. The spirit tells him that before he chooses, he has to visit both places so each one will get a fair chance.

First they visit heaven. It looks pretty nice. Big fluffy clouds, angels singing and playing harps, everyone seeming to enjoy themselves. The politician is pleased, if a bit underwhelmed.

Hell, on the other hand, is magnificent. It’s the most beautiful place the politician has ever seen, and everyone there is having the time of their lives. It has a buffet table filled with delicious-smelling food, a beautiful garden, a pool with a water slide, a dance floor, a massage parlor, and innumerable other attractions. It makes heaven look dull and boring and comparison.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” says the politician, “but I think I’d rather go to hell!”

“Very well,” says the spirit. “Turn around.”

When the politician turns around, though, hell appears to be completely different than it had been less than a minute ago. All of the attractions are gone, everything is on fire, and the people are screaming in agony.

“I don’t understand!” cries the politician. “This isn’t what you showed me before!”

“Well, that was the campaign,” replies the spirit. “Now you’ve voted.”

 

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I lent my mate £6000 for some cosmetic surgery now I can't get my money back because I don't know what the bastard looks like.

 

Tucker

 

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