This made me laugh

,

 

,

 

,

 

,

 

,

 

My missus said that my dick reminds her of her favourite supermarket.
I said, "Why, because it's well stocked and capable of supplying you with your every need?"
"No," she replied. "Because it's Lidl!"

 

I've been trying to organise a Hide and Seek tournament for a while, but it is not easy... Good players are hard to find!

 

At breakfast, I asked my wife "What would you do I if won the lottery?" She replied, "I’d take half, and then leave you." "Great," I said. "I won £25 last night. Here’s £12.50. Stay in touch!"

 

40 years since we lost Elvis, If he was still alive he'd probably be dead by now.

 

: Darling, will you get me a seal for my birthday?
: Where am I going to find a seal at this hour?
: I don't care, but if you do you'll get blowjobs for a week!

3 minutes later...

 

,

 

,

 

.

 

.

 

.