This made me laugh

1

 

Best friends selfie.

 

Waiting for the postman

 

Off to work now, bye.

 

I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

 

A few Stuart Francis gems:-

I gave up my job in a helium gas factory - I refused to be spoken to in that tone

I got a job as the night watchman in a dildo factory - that gave me the willy's

Didn't sell a single copy of my autobiography - story of my life

My best friend was diagnosed as a mute - he kept that quiet

Is my French wife into golden showers - we we

When I was a kid my fairy godmother asked me would I like a long penis, or a long memory - I forget my response

If I had a pound for every time I complemented my wife - I would probably start complementing my wife

My wife and I finally have something in common - we both agree she should have married George Cloney

 

Would you buy a Hot Dog from here?

 

Scared shitless

 

Cat Woman