This made me laugh

But it's worth it for the empty roads we get to play on.

 

Someones awake with feck all to do!

Is littleade still asleep?

 

One for the golfers (if any)
If when on the golf course a thunder storm develops what should you do.
1. Lie flat on the floor til the lightning passes.
2. Seek shelter under a tree.
3. Pick up a 1 iron.







Answer is 3 cos not even God can hit a 1 iron.

 

It looks very worried, I'd be too scared to fly on that.

 

A Native American brave was curious as to how he had received his name. So he went to speak to his father, the chieftain of the tribe.

"Father," he asked, "how is it that I acquired my name.

The noble chieftain began a long narrative for his youngest son.

"Well, my son, I named you and both of your brothers for an event which occurred on the day each of you were born. For example, the day your eldest brother was born, I saw a deer running swiftly through the forest, so I named him Deer Running Swiftly.

"Likewise, when your middle brother was born, the rain was pouring hard outside of the wigwam, so I named him Rain Pouring Hard.

"Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"

 

At the National Gallery a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society. 'In fact,' he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.' After the curator left, a man approached the couple and said, 'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?' 'Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?' asked the couple. 'Because I'm the man who painted it,' he replied. 'In fact, there are no black men depicted at all! They're just three Welsh coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.

 

A big dirty farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "This is the pig I have to f*ck when you're not up for s*x." His wife says: "I think you'll find that's a sheep." He says: " I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep!"