This made me laugh

I like that tattoo that your lass has got

 

Very good.... just wasted half my tea break at work

 

Worked fine for me

 

A more productive day for you then?

 

RIP Terry Pratchett

 

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 96 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother
replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

 

To my darling husband:

Before you return from your overseas trip, I just want to let you know about a small accident I had with the truck when I turned into the driveway.

It wasn't too bad, and I didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake, while I was talking on my cell phone.

The garage door is slightly bent but luckily the F-150 came to a halt when it bumped into your Ferrari. I missed our bikes.

I'm really sorry, but I know with your kind heart personality, you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you, my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture for you, and I can't wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife. XXOOXXOO!

PS: Your girlfriend phoned, she is pregnant.