This made me laugh

This is an oldie, but still makes me laugh -

A man goes into a pub in a small town and, for whatever reason, gets introduced to the clientele. There’s Farmer Jack, Barman Jim, Maurice “Dancer” and Sheepshagger John. After a few pints, the visitor’s curiosity gets the better of him and he asks John what’s with the nickname.

“See this pub?” asks John, “I built it, but they don’t call me Pubbuilder John? I’m the local doctor, I saved Barman Jim’s life once when he choked on a peanut, but they don’t call me Lifesaver John. Every year, I supply a huge Christmas tree for the village green, but the don’t call me Christmas Tree John.

“But you shag one lousy sheep…”

 

Bought a new clutch
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.
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for my Dysn.

 

Glad you put it like that otherwise you'll get bombarded with ads.

 

Ad block + nothing sees me, I see nothing, it works a treat.

 

True story & i pee`d me pants

Brother in law & general Triumph/BSA tinkerer in his late 60`s gets asked by a mate to pop round & start their old bike(bsa/Triumph?). Any how on the 6th attempt to start the bugga his foot slipped....the kick start fought back & broke his leg just below the knee. Bad luck really but..........

At the hospital they were rather liberal with the plaster.....up to his crotch lol So much so he couldnt get his trousers back on! To go home he had to wear the hospital gown...ya know all open down the back & a bit drafty this time of year lol.His wife brought the car round but he couldn't get in their small 2 door motor. They called a Taxi (4 door) but he still had to lay across the back seat to get in lol.
Once home he discovers he cant sit on the loo because of the plaster so ends up going back to hospital where........The Doc he saw had to leave the room from laughing at his predicament. Doc`s brain wave was to remove the plaster to give him....a "bionic" leg brace

Poor bugga but I'm sick so had to laugh!!!!!!!

 

Just go my new MED's Tucker

 

Now on sale at IKEA - beds for lesbians: no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove.



A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related.

 

I’m quite good at twisting my body about so it looks like a country! I’m very entertaining, but I can’t make a Korea out of it!

 

Shame I live in a bloody bungalow.

 

“I lived in a flat with three girls until they found out.”

 

I’ve just written a song about tortillas, well it’s more of a rap...

 

Got this short video from my brother yesterday