This made me laugh

Class

 

"BASTID !!!"

 

That much???
Really????

 

I look forward to meeting you all in August and showing you my new ride. !!!!!!!!

 

The Rabbi's Salary

The local Rabbi explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave.

Mike Jacobs, who owns several car dealerships in the area, stands up and proclaims: 'If the Rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new BMW every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Sam Cohen, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, 'If the Rabbi will stay on here I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education for his children!'

More sighs and loud applause.

Agnes Goldberg, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, 'If the Rabbi stays, I will give him sex.'

There is total silence.

The Rabbi, blushing, asks her: 'Mrs. Goldberg, whatever possessed you to say that?'

Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies:

'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, '**** him!'

 

I Just Realized Something:

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.
He has his food prepared for him.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup and again during the year, if any medical needs arise.
For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.
He receives these accommodations absolutely free.
He is living like a king and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who earn a living.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks ~
MY dog is an MP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

SMART FLIGHT ATTENDANT

Hooray for the attendant. We should never, under any circumstances, give in to someone with a request like this.
They have no right to demand such a favour.

A 50-something year old Muslim man arrived at his seat on a crowded flight and immediately didn't want the seat.

The seat was next to an elderly white woman reading her Bible.

Disgusted, the Muslim man immediately summoned the flight attendant and demanded a new seat.

The man said "I cannot sit here next to this infidel."

The flight attendant said "Let me see if I can find another seat."

After checking, the flight attendant returned and stated "There are no more seats in economy, but I will check with the captain and see if there is something in first class."

About 10 minutes went by and the flight attendant returned and stated "The captain has confirmed that there are no more seats in economy, but there is one in first class. It is our company policy to never move a person from economy to first
class, but being that it would be some sort of scandal to force a person to sit next to an UNPLEASANT person, the Captain agreed to make the switch to first class."

Before the irate Muslim man could say anything, the attendant gestured to the elderly woman and said, "Therefore, Ma’am, if you would so kindly retrieve your personal items, we would like to move you to the comfort of first class as the Captain doesn't want you to sit next to an unpleasant person."

Passengers in the seats nearby began to applaud while some gave a standing ovation.

 

Absotivley BANG ON