This made me laugh

Me, behave? Seriously? As a child I saw Tarzan almost naked, Cinderella arrive home after midnight, Pinocchio told lies, Aladdin was a thief, Batman drove over 200 miles an hour, Snow White lived in a house with 7 men, Popeye smoked a pipe and had tattoos, Pac Man ran around to digital music while eating pills that enhanced his performance, and Shaggy and Scooby were mystery solving hippies that always had the munchies.
The fault is not mine!

 

To whomever stole my camo jacket and flipflops - You can hide, but you can't run.

 

Wouldn’t want to drive That car

 

Now in his dotage, Barbie’s boyfriend was reduced to appearing on quiz shows

Wouldn’t want to drive That car

 

I would venture to say that, never, in the history of mankind, since we came down from the trees, or at least the dawn of spoken language, has there been more euphemisms for any other object.




BTW... they left out my favorite, Pink Cadillac.

 

The 5th of November just saying

 

Mick takes a job on a construction site in Dublin:
Part of his daily work is to clear any sewage and empty the waste from the pipes. Every Friday he has to hand in his time sheets.
After the second week the boss pulls him over for a word.
"Mick." Says the boss. "I need to have a word about your time sheets. For the past 2 weeks all you have wrote on them is 7:30am to 4:30pm shovelling shite."
"That's right sir, that's what I do, shovel shite." Says Mick.
"Well Mick." Says the boss. "In future can you not write shovelling shite, can you write excavating excrement instead."
"For feck sake." Says Mick. "f I could write excavating excrement, I wouldn't be shovelling fecken shite."