This made me laugh

The Future?

Alfie

 

In the same spirit...

I only recognize 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don't know Y.

 

How to avoid getting gang banged.

 

That's true for many countries these days.

 

In the same vein...

Remember, the road to inner peace begins with four words.

"Not my fucking problem."

 

A man is sitting at the bar next to a beautiful redhead. But he can't summon up the courage to talk to her. He sees several guys approach her, but she blows them off. He doesn't think he'd have a chance either, then she sneezes, and her glass eye pops out. He catches it in mid-flight and hands it back to her. She rushes to the ladies' room and returns with the glass eye back in place. She expresses her embarrassment, thanks him profusely and buys him a drink. They talk and after a few more drinks they end up back at his place. The next morning, he still can't believe his luck. He says to her, "I noticed you turned down several guys. What was so special about me?" "I don't know" she answers.
"You just caught my eye."