This made me laugh

How much the top bands were earning in 1969.

 

I asked my wife why she didn’t blink during sex .... I didn’t have time she said !!

 

My youngest works a full time and a part time job. She doesn't get a full day off- having to be at one place or the other - ever. She's barely scraping by. Her health and dental insurance suck with high deductibles and a lot of conditions excluded. She has the highest amount for taxes deducted from her paycheck that she can. She had her tax return done the other day by my tax guy (he's damned good) and she still owes the Internal Revenue Service $1200! She owes the state of NJ $300.

Yet, illegal immigrants are getting debit cards, free lodging, meals, cell phones, medical care and gender reassignment surgery if they opt for it. I told her to walk across the border, change her name to a foreign sounding surname, pretend she doesn't speak English and walk back across the U.S. border.

 

I went to the Red Cross blood drive to donate today. Never again! Too many questions.

"Where did you get that?"
"Why is it in a bucket?"
"Whose blood is it?"

 

Jim Davidson once did a similar joke....

Anything you say will be taken down and used against you?

His response...... Knickers!

It still makes me chuckle years later

 

The owner of a siding company passed. His last wish was to be buried in a coffin made of the material he had worked with all his life making houses look more beautiful.

He wanted it to be his vinyl resting place.

Sorry. I'll get my coat.

 

I shared that with my softtail deluxe riding husband (and told him I'd checked the garage for him) and he replied with sympathetic understanding for the owner.

 

I remember in our English classes at school I had big crush on a girl who only knew four vowels. Unfortunately she never knew I existed.