This made me laugh

Speaking of bread...

I remember when my eldest daughter was in high school and was talking about a female classmate who had the reputation of being somewhat loose.

"She's like the end of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches her but nobody wants her."

Always thought that was funny.

 

Happens every time our former NJ governor takes a dip.

 

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
"I'd like to be eight again..." she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her off to the local theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, every thing there was.
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
Then it was off to the movies with popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, and her favorite M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well, Dear, what was it like being eight again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size!!!!!!!"
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong

 

Alien invasion.

 

Took longer than expected but got there in the end