This made me laugh

Top box anyone? News today Newton Abbott

 

Brilliant one bit of rope and no roof rack apparently And they’re on the same roads as us FFS !

 

On the same roads, yes, but it's ..........Devon And Cornwall, different world down there!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-42787789

 

135658763890
459
12/ Oh bollox nearly I fell for that one

 

Yorkshire Love Story

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impendingdeath, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both
hands, he crawled downstairs.
With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favourite scones
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Yorkshire wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon ......

'Bugger off' she said 'they're for t'funeral'

 

I went to a lingerie shop and decided to splash out on a sexy pair of knickers.

Apparently I've now got to pay for them.

 

A guy walks into a bar and starts pretending to shoot arrows to a few girls.

One of those girls smiles and gets closer to talk: "Hey, I saw that you threw me an arrow."

"Yes, I guess I did."

"Who are you?", she asks. "Cupid throwing love arrows?"

"No, I'm Legolas killing orcs!"
__________________

 

First 16 letter
YOUCANGOFOOKOFFA
666
1/1984

 

You $0D. Could have given some advance warning - I just spat my whisky out at no. 16. And that wasn't even the funniest.

 

Bloomin heck- we have the same startrooper name - we must be twins

 

Spitting whisky out !!! Bloody Nora !!!! Next time you cross the border you will be fined at least one bottle of decent single malt for that insult

 

And it was Ardbeg too.

 

...ooooh, blimey DD

 

My wife's not Scottish!

 

Crikey will be more than a fine, more like amputation at the knees and you are like me ...
An undersized giant so midget status , you’ll never get yer leg over a bike again ....

 

Hee hee my wife is

Hold on...no she’s not
She’s Irish
Meh.....same thing!

 

Tell you what if you still have it I’ll take a shot at you

 

Fast roads in Norfolk ....eh!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-eng...lists-clocked-speeding-at-155mph-near-norwich