This made me laugh

Who the hell is Dave ?
Well Dave is the bloke who got home late last night and his wife, says Where the hell have you been?
He said I was getting a tattoo!
A tattoo?? She frowned. What kind of tattoo did you get?
I got a hundred dollar note on my privates he said proudly.
What the hell were you thinking? She said, shaking her head in disgust. Why on earth would a Chartered Accountant get a hundred dollar note tattooed on his privates?
Well, one, I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.
Dave is now in Mount Sinai Hospital, Critical Care Unit,
No visitors until further notice.

 

My wife said she wanted some peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.
So, I took the battery out of the smoke detector.

She went shopping and when she got home, she said the cashier was a real bitch. I asked her if she used the self-checkout.

 

Yep, they can even do it twice. I took this in Curzon Street, Mayfair in 2014 when I worked in the city and I bet it’s still there. Long & Lat are 51.507, -0.145 but it looks as thought the old iPhone 4S was a bit out. Seem to remember it being close to a pedestrian crossing, maybe Curzon Street/Queen Street junction. If anyone’s in the vicinity it would be interesting to see if it’s still like it.

 

Shrinkflation is out of control.

 

AWESOME!!!

 

Even tho' the jokes are getting a little old ?