This made me laugh

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Murphy calls to see his mate paddy, who has a broken leg.
paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"
"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.
"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."
"Fook off you liar!"
"I'll prove it," murphy says.
So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"
"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"

 

I had a dream last night that I was vacuuming with the Grim Reaper
I was Dyson with death

 

Google: #1 in email spam detection

Also Google: what Youtube telegram spammer

 

A school teacher asked her students to make a sentence containing the expression “I presume”.
One little girl held up her hand and said: “Yesterday my mother hand washed the dinner dishes and
I presumed that the dishwasher was broken.”
“Very good” said the teacher.
Another one said: “This morning, my father drove the Volkswagen out of the garage, I presume that
the BMW wouldn’t start.”
“That’s excellent” says the teacher.
Little Johnny at the back of the classroom gets up and says: “Yesterday I saw grandpa leave
the house with a newspaper under his arm and headed for the bush, I presume that.......”
The teacher interrupted him and said, “I stopped you because you have no idea
what your grandfather was going to do, so you can’t presume anything.”
Johnny says, “Please Teacher, let me finish my sentence.”
The teacher says, “Very well. Continue.”
“As I was saying, I saw my grandpa heading for the bush with a newspaper under his arm.
I presume he was going for a shit because he can’t read.”

 

bit confusing