This made me laugh

I have Parkinson's and I still found that funny

 

Good onya Dave .. great excuse when yer get pulled over for speeding !

 

If you’re having a bad day…it could be worse!

 

.

 

true

 

That happened to me…..
Galllon of emulsion in the boot and a box of xmas booze. Heading to the pub on Xmas eve lunchtime and a dustcart pulled across the road in front of me on a blind s bend and I hit it head on. I was knocked out by the impact and was pulled out of the car by two policemen . The emulsion had knocked the rear seats down and exploded into the car…. I was covered , the inside of the car was a nice shade of magnolia but worse…all of my Xmas booze also coated the inside of the car.
Breathalyser test due to the smell of booze ( passed) and 9 stitches in my knee.
Car written off….not all bad as it was a company Montego…!

 

So, there's this really randy rooster in the barnyard. He's humping everything in sight, the hens, cows, horses, even the dog. The farmer takes him aside and says, "Look, you have a lot of stamina, that's great, but you're gonna wear yourself out. Too much of a good thing is gonna kill you."
The next morning the farmer comes out to find the rooster in the middle of the barnyard laying on his back, eyes closed, legs straight up in the air, vultures circling overhead, looking dead as a doornail. The farmer says, "I told so." The rooster opens one eye and says "Shhhh. If you want to fuck vultures, you have to play their game."