This made me laugh

Ireland's answer to Dick Emery

 

Cake.

 

Yum

 

https://www.eveningexpress.co.uk/fp...f-shops-scratch-cards-to-feed-gambling-habit/

I used to buy the odd scratch card. Ive stopped now

 

And so it begins...
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/3Ktsc...wn-after-it-invented-its-own-language-6818204

 

Scary!!

 

I loved the guy in Shorts and t shirt with the shin guards!!

 

Light practically non existent ! Get back in the kitchen Jim and do it right this time

 

Choosing a wife


A man wanted to get married.
He was having trouble choosing from three likely candidates, so he
gives each woman a present of $5,000 and waits to see what they do with it.

The first does a total makeover.
She goes to a fancy beauty salon,
gets her hair done, new makeup;
buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man.
She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

He was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos
for his computer, and some expensive clothes.
She tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, he is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000.
She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.
She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was again impressed.

He thought long and hard about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.

 

That's my electrical problems solved. One of my wires had a split and all the smoke came out. Refilling was difficult but have enough left over for a second use if needed.

 

In the early days of Google and the Internet, if you put "French military victories" into a Google search it would return the result "did you mean French military defeats ?"
This is fact not a joke but it was funny at the time.

 

Personally I don't like uninformed, biased bullshit, so I introduce some facts :

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_history_of_France

If any of us on here had lived through German occupation between '39 and '44 perhaps there might be different opinions expressed.

 

Absolutely Jez, but it remains hurtful to me when I see the sacrifices made by honest decent French families every time I look at the first & second world war memorials. Three sometimes even four male members of the same killed.

All I ask for is a little respect.

 

I'm not taking issue with you in any way Dave, I just want to point out that what's on Wikipedia is not necessarily fact. It is made up from written submissions. Wikipedia does not verify those submissions by doing it's own research.

 

And I've visited a village where 800+ where massacred. Was it Oradour-sur-Glane ?

 

NOW THEN NOW THEN GUYS WE ALL NEED A LITTLE - RESPECT & LOVE

 

Apologies for this, I've just got a few minutes spare before I have to go out so I'm just killing time.

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.
The husband has his lesson first.
After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!"
"Well, what should I do?" asks the man.
"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."
The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and POW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway.
The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson.
The next day the wife goes for her lesson.
The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."
"What can I do?" asks the wife.
"Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis."
The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway..... about 15 ft.
"That was great," the pro says with a straight face. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing it like you're supposed to!"