This made me laugh

We call our granddad Spiderman. Not because he's got superhuman powers but because he can't get out of the bath.


---------------------------------------------------------------

My wife's locked herself in the kitchen in a rage after a massive argument over how miserable and tight I've become.
She's in there now, ripping all the plates in half.

---------------------------------------------------------------


I nearly got knocked off my bike by a council salt wagon last night.
"You dozy (insert profanity of choice)" I shouted, through gritted teeth.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Little Red Riding Hood has been found by a member of the public, unconscious and in a critical condition.
Paramedics have stabilised her condition and the Air Ambulance is in attendance.
However, I must stress, she is not out of the woods yet.

 

What the Fµé% !!!!!

 

looks like a form of topiary

 

I liked the patio set with barbeqe including a sofa swing - contestant said " I live on the top floor of a block of flats"

 

Not to forget the touring caravan - " but I haven't got a car"

 

Did you find that when looking for something

 

Pleading the 5th on that one

 

No such thing as the 5th amendment here, so spill it

 

" so spill it " choice of words Gary