This made me laugh

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they had become too loose and floppy.
Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery, she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.
Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality, and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself."
"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and understood because she had the same procedure done some time ago."
"And what about the third rose?" she asked.
"That's from a man upstairs in the burns unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears.

 

How you feel after a night on the town

 

Just nicked my mates epilepsy pills. He'll have a fucking fit, when he finds out!

 

When they said" Dress the turkey" but not what for

 

So.....how many of you had the same Christmas as last year.

Sitting with a fat bird that doesn't gobble any more