This made me laugh

Looks too me like you have got the suit upside down . Because that is where your noise goes.
Tucker

 

A friend of mine was looking for new rubber-waders and found some on Ebuy...
...in the description it said: ‚only worn to a few parties...‘

Gives a whole new meaning to ‚A river runs through it...‘

 

Jez, help me out, pls!?
What did we do in the trees?

 

I used to have one of those jackets when I was a kid. It was called the "Easy Rider".

 

I'm sure.

 

Great customer service!

 

Your right,bad Tom

 

That put the phrase'rubber up' to a whole new level

 

I think you might need this!

For gawd sake be careful where you put the rasp though!

 

For the last week or so when I've logged into this forum I've been met with a post about "banging twins". I'm sure you've all seen it. Well, it took me back a few years to when I was about fifteen or maybe sixteen just before I got my Suzuki. I had a mate in the next village who had a great attic bedroom and in this attic he had a full drum kit. I had a guitar and so a couple of nights a week I used to walk the two/two and a half miles to his house. I think his parents must have been deaf because they didn't seem to mind. Anyway, about two hundred yards short of his house there were a set of twin girls about my age. I didn't know them, I'd never even spoken to them. My mate used to snigger and make references to their reputation as being "very loose" but he'd never spoken to them either.
One night on my way home one of the twin girls was stood outside her house in what appeared to be a skirt but could have been a wide belt, it was difficult to tell despite it being a light summer night. Anyway, I decided to make conversation and this is how it went :-

Me: "Hello"

Her: "Do you want to shag me ?"

Me: ( I was stunned by the effectiveness of my pickup line here and was
consequently lost for words)

Her:
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"Well yer can't cos I'm on heat !"

 

Wouldn’t stop a Geordie lass doon the bigg market