This made me laugh

The Confession

I walk into the confessional and kneel.

Me: “Bless me father, for I have sinned. It’s been a while since my last confession.

Father Muldoon: “Is that you Fork Lock?”

Me. “Yes father”

Father Muldoon: “You’ve been doing it again, haven’t you?”

Me: “Yes father. I’m sorry.”

Father Muldoon: “Fork Lock, we’ve talked about this.”

Me: “I’m know father. I can’t help it. It feels good.”

Father Muldoon: “It’s not normal! A grown man should not be acting this way.”

Me: “I know father. I just can’t stop.”

Father Muldoon: “It’s not a substitute for the real thing. Does your wife know?”

Me: “Sometimes she watches.”

Father Muldoon: “I’m appalled! What does she think about your behavior?”

Me: “She laughs. Sometimes she even joins me.”

Father Muldoon: “That’s just wrong! It’s perverse!”

Me: “I know father, but it’s twenty-five degrees and there’s six inches of snow on the ground.”

Father Muldoon: “I don’t care! Sitting on your motorcycle in the garage making “VROOM, VROOM” noises is just not a healthy outlet for your urges”

Me: “I’ll try to do better.”

Father Muldoon: “OK. Give me three Hail Mary’s and two Our Fathers and get out of my church, you big jerk.”

 

true

 

What's the difference between a magician's wand and a policeman's truncheon? A magician's wand is for cunning stunts...


What's the different between a seagull and a baby without a nappy? One flits across the shore…


What’s the difference between a new pound coin and the Humber? The coin is shiny bright…

 

What's the difference between a pygmy hunting band and a junior high girls track team?

One's a bunch of cunning little runts the other is a bunch of running little...

 

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My wife saw me ordering Motorcycle parts online.
She asked where I got the money for all of that. "Don't worry, I sold some stuff on eBay" I said.
She said don't be wasting money when we're trying to save for Xmas.
She then told me that if she catches me doing it again she's going to smash my head into the keyboard.
Well, here I am, online buying parts again and clearly I don't give a shummkonhhh hejjnsb b jxngwggztg 26 fns781indb,,hhwhk g sh yiyeoqigfiqp9 mbifhiebvidvvdbchwb cjkbjdbvcdbchkdbkvbdjwbvjkdbv cljvjldnlvnjldvfjbk;fnknipe vnkfle;bmrebn enbkneknkbnknekbeb vmkebjpienbk ernkbfivnenbv bnkinbkneboiioyb t8495i4h5p3jgkrnbmf

 

I hear Lewis is going back to the 80's with musical youth as he couldn't pass the dutchie on the left hand side.

 

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The Justin Bieber meme above brings to mind a little story. This is not a joke. Maybe somewhat funny.

My best riding buddy, and the reason I can't hear out of my left ear, ('74 FXE Super Glide with open pipes), had a stroke at the wheel of his truck four years ago. He went right through a red signal and was T-boned on the driver's side door. He was busted up pretty bad in addition to all that goes with a stroke. I went to see him in the hospital. He was in a coma and hooked up to all manner of medical gizmos. Now, I'd heard people who are comatose sometimes can hear what is going on around them. So, I just started talking to him, quietly, mostly just small talk. About ten minutes in, I noticed all they were playing over the sound system was Country Music. When "Achey Breaky Heart" came on I said "Jesus, Bob, nothing but country music? They shouldn't have your bed so close to the window. Aren't they afraid you'll jump out?"

HE SMILED!

Long recovery for Bob, about two years, but he's just about up to specs now. Although he's able to drive again he hasn't gotten in the saddle yet, but he swears we'll ride again.

 

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