This made me laugh

Don’t be such a
Schattenparker and drink your Muckefuck… if we want to gag on a Kalter Hund it would be Weiss(wurst) to let us, and not be a Brat(wurst) about it!

 

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Bob is talking to his buddy.

Bob: "You know I'm engaged, right?"

Buddy: "Yeah, to Joan. You are a lucky guy."

Bob: "Well, today I went over to Joan's place and when I walked in, her younger sister greets me stark naked! She says Joan and their parents are out and won't be back for a couple hours. She asked if I wanted to have some fun.
I turned around and walked out. When I did, Joan and her parents were on the lawn, applauding and yelling "You passed the test!"

Buddy: "Wow! I've seen her sister, she's a babe! You must have some real will power."

Bob: "Not really. I'm just glad I keep my condoms in my glove box."

 

For the good of the environment, plastic bags definitely need to be phased out...

 

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Best not to look at that one whilst drinking coffee. Thankfully my phone is waterproof.