This made me laugh

I recognize her, her name is Dawn.
I often like to be up at the crack of Dawn!

 

What a cracking photo, does he know Dawn ..........

 

Gary, you‘ll start the war of the Nerds,

 

My intentions must be as plain as .....

 

No, they are his faggot-gloves... The ones with the rubber-studs...

 

I'm not sure I like the sound of that - and please Daniel, no more information

 

I was stopped in the street today by someone conducting a survey. He asked me what I knew about dwarfs. I said, “Very little.”

 

Group of ladies playing golf and as one tees off she slices her shot which flies straight at a man on a neighbouring fairway. He falls to the ground bent double and clutching his hands together. The lady goes straight over to him and offers to help saying she is a massage therapist but the guy declines saying he’s ok. The lady insists at which the man agrees so she gently slips her hand she inside the mans trousers and begins to massage asking “is that better” to which the man replies, “yes it’s great, but I still think my thumb is broken”

 

Not a master plumber just a master##ter

 

Murphy's Other Laws

01. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

02. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

03. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

04. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

05. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

06. The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

07. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

08. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

09. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty

 

North Ayrshire Council vandal............errrrr I mean craftsman!

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/42032629

 

https://www.wimp.com/hockey-fan-taunts-injured-player-and-gets-an-instant-dose-of-karma/