This made me laugh

could be

 

Get your Xmas cards for the in-laws early

 

If the tabloids had existed before the Peasants' Revolt...

 

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"Dad, why is my sister called Teresa?"
"Well, your mum likes Easter, and Teresa is an anagram of that."
"Ok, thanks dad."
"No problem, Alan."

 

After playing in a rock band for 20 years I got tinnitus and ear ache. I went to the doctor who said it would be possible to grow me a new ear drum using pig skin.
After the operation I was pleased to find the ear ache had gone and so had the ringing, but I now, when I move my head, I hear crackling...

 

Played Bonopoly with some mates last night.

It’s the same as Monopoly, except the streets have no name.

 

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Just a helpful tip. Don’t ever show this to your spouse. I did, and now every time I get home from golfing I get asked - “Did you have one, a few, or several?”

 

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