This made me laugh

Story of my life

 

This week I've been trying to annoy all the local bus drivers.
I don't know if I've been successful but I've been pulling out all the stops !










Sorry Wayne, I feel I've pinched one of yours with that effort.

 

The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

 

A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under one arm. The man says, “Beer, please, and one for the road.”

 

An old man was enjoying a simple meal at a roadside diner when a group of grizzled bikers walked in.
The first one walked up to the man and put his cigarette out in his pie. The second spit in his coffee and the third flipped his plate onto the ground. The old man never reacted. He paid for his meal and left without a word.
The bikers took a seat at the counter. When the waitress came over, one of the bikers said to her, “Huh. Not much of a man is he?”
The waitress looked out the window and replied, “Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles.”

 

A biker stops at a young girl who's just about to jump off a bridge..
He asks her: do you mind giving me the final kiss before u jump? She quietly accepted and gave him one of the deepest kiss ever...

When she's finished, the man said "wow! That is the best kiss i ever had! That's a real talent your wasting! So, why are you committing suicide?"
she replied: my parents don't like me dressing up like a girl.
By the way my name is John!...

 

A guy is at the Pearly Gates, hoping to be admitted, and St. Peter says to the guy, "I can't see that you did anything really good in your life, but you never did anything bad either. I tell you what, if you can tell me one really good deed that you did, you're in."

So the guy says, "Once I was driving down the road and saw a gang of bikers assaulting this poor girl. So I pulled over, got out my car, grabbed a tire iron and walked straight up to the gang's leader--a huge ugly guy with a studded leather jacket, bald head but with hair all over his body, and a chain running from his nose to his ear.

Undaunted, I ripped the chain out of his nose and ear and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and, wielding my tire iron, yelled to the rest of them, 'You leave this poor, innocent lady alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"

Impressed, St. Peter says, "Really? I can't seem to find this in your file. When did this happen?"

"Oh, about two minutes ago."

 

Sorry Winglad and Doug if its any consolation this is the site it came from,
Enter at your own risk.
Beware Harley hater
http://www.goingfaster.com/angst/main.htm

 

My dad persuaded me to carry an organ doner card, he's a man after my own heart!

 

BREAKING NEWS !!
Teacher Arrested
A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Jeff Sessions said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
...Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Trump said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes."
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.

 

Teacher asks at school:
"What does water do at 0 respectively at a 100 degrees Centigrade?"
Quiet classroom.
Then little Wilhelm Wancker firmly raises his hand.
"Yes Willi!?"
"I can only tell you, what water does at 90 degrees, Sir..."
"Well, then go ahead."
"A square angle, Sir!"

 

It may all be true, but Jeez it's repetitive.

 

Repetitive it is. And funny.
It is true only if you are a designated hater...

Here is my personal truth: I know Harley riders who look down on me, because I ride a Bonnie.
If I tell them that I also have a Harley, they tell me it doesn't count, because it is only the tiny Sportster.
When I had the 25.000€ Road King, they snorted, because I kept the standard exhausts...
Tell you what: f.ck'em all.
I like my ride and I am more than happy for everyone else loving theirs...
No room for conceit on my planet

 

Still you should feel inferior because you have a Harley. I know a good shrink or two but not sure if they could help you

 

You know what they say: Every Chimp needs a shrink!

And 'Infearyour' is my second name

 

Your Harley is realy nice