This made me laugh

I agree would have to be something like this buggar to cover that mess

 

Dozers Dad - Can you bring your Tattoo gun up to Bellingham ? Think we can have some fun when someone is sleeping !!!!!
I am sure once I am drunk, I'll be a really good tattoo artist

 

Hydrophobic membrane says --


Agree nice boots, Shame your other leg is a cat scratching post but maybe find the odd right boot now and then, lol

 

Thats how I spend my days, dont knock it till youve tried it. Did you draw that is good

 

6or7 mile tail back coming out of Ullapool a few years ago.....when We got to the front there was Mr and Mrs Lycra TWATS spoiling a lovely day out for everyone else
They are the most selfish road users out....worse than caravans and horses
Really boils my piss

 

To be honest, its not just the selfish twats on bikes, it's also the useless fucks that can't drive and make it past a pair of bikes, that cause just as much trouble, if not more so

Drove 50+ miles back from Stranraer (watching St Mirren thrash them 4-1, at poofball), and the number of times I passed multiple cars that just sat behind tractors, caravans, buses, etc !!!! This was in a diesel Freelander, not the quickest of machines.

How am I able to pass 3 cars and the tractor, but the dickhead at the front can't even manage a tractor ???? Now that really gets my piss on a good simmer

 

There is a perverse self righteousness to their behaviour as 90% of them will be car drivers too.

 

POLICE WORK CAN BE ENTERTAINING AS WELL AS DANGEROUS.

Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old male, who was caught fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night.

The next day, at the Horsham Court (Victoria, Australia), Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency and public intoxication.

Lawrence explained that, as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session, he decided to stop.

"You know how a pumpkin can be soft and squishy inside... Well, there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around..." he stated.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need.

"I s'pose I was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience, until Senior Constable Brenda Taylor approached him.

'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' Senior Constable Brenda Taylor told the magistrate.

'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin...'
Constable Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence ....

"I said: 'Excuse me sir, why are you having sex with a pumpkin?

"Lawrence froze. He was clearly very surprised that I was there, but then.....

He looked me straight in the eye and said: 'A pumpkin? **** - is it Midnight already'?"

THE COURT (AND THE MAGISTRATE) COULD NOT CONTAIN THEIR MIRTH.
THE GEELONG POST WROTE AN ARTICLE DESCRIBING THIS AS 'THE BEST COMEBACK LINE EVER.'

 

Just give it a minute, you'll spot it!!!

 

Spotted!

 

Yeah I spotted it as well
Should say snack.. AND...play !
Eee I don't know.... what's the world coming to????

 

Spotted backside.
Shouldn't that be spotty arse?
Just askin'.

 

A guy was pulled over for speeding and the cop said to him "if you can give me a reason for your excess speed that I haven't heard before I'll let you go" so the guy says " well my wife ran away with a cop and I thought you were bringing her back" The cop says " have a nice day sir"