This made me laugh

Three bulls are standing around overlooking a field full of cows when they overhear the farmer tell one of the cowhands to get the trailer ready to pick up a new bull.

The old bull snorts and says, "I'm a tellin' ya what, there ain't but fifty cows here that are mine and if'n that new bull thinks he's a gettin' any of my cows, well, he's got another think comin'."

The second bull says, "There ain't but 30 cows here that are mine and that new bull sure ain't get any of my cows."

The young bull says, "There ain't but 10 cows here that even know me, but I sure ain't lettin' that new bull have any of 'em."

A few hours later a tractor trailer arrives and the bulls listen as the air brakes let out a whoosh, then the trailer doors open and and the gate lowers what has to be the biggest, meanest, orneriest looking brahma bull they've ever seen. Great big hump on his back, huge horns, froth dripping from his jowls as he stamps and paws at the ground.

The old bull says, "Ya know, I've been thinkin, it's mighty selfish of me to keep all them cows for myself, I might just part with a few of 'em to be neighborly."

The second bull says, "Ya know, I'm thinkin the same thing, no need for me to keep all thirty of them cows to myself, gets to be a mite tiresome."

The young bull lets out a huge snort and starts stamping and pawin' at the ground, raisin' a huge ruckus.

The old bull says, "Woo boy, what's a matter with you? Don't you know that new bull will kill you?"

The young bull says, "I'm just makin' sure that he knows that I'm a bull..."

 

There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses - Ezekiel 23:20, New International Bible

Google it if you don't believe !!!!!

Wasted youth reading Escort and Mayfair, should have just read the bible !!!!!!!

 

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning,
can you believe that... 2:30am?!









Luckily for him I was still up, playing my bagpipes.

 

What - you mean there was writing!

 

I quite like the put down at II Kings 18 V 27.

 

Fined?? FFS!!

 

More logical and ascetically pleasing than a twin IMO

 

What a plonker ! Likewise feel sorry for the car/van driver coming from the opposite direction

 

Anyone else get that "ring twitch" watching that?

 

Three Atlantic Canada boys were all applying for the last available position on the St. John's Police Force.
The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So you all want to be cops, huh?"
The three all nodded that they indeed wanted to be cops.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth."
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the boy from PEI and withdrew it after about two seconds.
"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"
The Spud Islander immediately said, "Yes, I did, he has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
The Islander hung his head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second boy from Nova Scotia, stuck the photo in his face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other guy? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused too!"
The Bluenoser sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the last boy, a hometown Newfie boy with a long family history in Newfoundland and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...."
He flashed the photo in his face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
The Newfie said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the Newfie with a puzzled e_xpression and said, "You're absolutely right!
His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

The Newfie rolled his eyes and said, "Well, Hellooooooo! With only one eye and one ear, ... he certainly can't wear glasses."

 

https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-s...d-web02/anigif_sub-buzz-2515-1470823973-3.gif

 

You're cruel.... but yeah it's funny

 

Probably gained her an additional point!

 

She had the composure to point, I thought it was brilliant

 

What a pair of TWATS !!!!

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=639840759555037

 

Sometimes dash cams seem superb

 

This guy is looking for work. Unfortunately he got drunk in prison and his brother tattoo'd his face!!!!
It says DEVAST8.

 

He now needs to grow a beard - a bloomin big one

 

Poor woman!
You're dead right Mr.O. What an absolute pair of twats!