This made me laugh

Pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel stuffed in his pants. Bartender asks "What's up with that?'
Pirate says "Arrgh, it's drivin' me nuts."

Bada boom.

 

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says "I'll have an H2o." The second chemists says "I'll have an H2o too." Drinks it, and dies.

Bada boom

 

Probably also works with "bike show"

 

Yes there are an infinite number ways of starting an argument with a woman, the impossibility (for a bloke) is knowing what they all are, and how to avoid them.

Arguments can and will be resurrected hours, days or weeks later for equally unfathomable reasons.

 

In my experience if a man has the last word in an argument with a woman it’s really only the first word of the next argument (which he will invariably lose)

 

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And how so many rivers are named after Rolls Royce aero engines.............

 

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Don't argue with your wife, dicker.

 

Women can fake an orgasm but men can fake a whole relationship. Just sayin'.

 

How can you both laugh emoji AND agree emoji. Some questions are fundamentally important and need confirmation on both levels.

Pegscaper, you have summarised my life. Which frankly is nothing for me to boast about. Unfortunately my wife couldn’t even be bothered to invest the energy to hide her loathing. I in return struggle to pretend to like her. A match made in hell. Purgatory will be a bit of light relief.