This made me laugh

Yes but you quoted a post about said joke so you did reference it. The "woke" party you are referring to came from another forum, not here! And also posted personal details of another member here, that was quickly and rightly removed as that sort of behaviour is just not on, and clearly against forum rules. The joke was removed by the OP, not admin. I hope this clears it up.

 

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Where can I get a load of these from?

 

Totally harmless humour for a cold sunday.

 

That's not fair, I really love the look of the Pan American and it comes with a 1960s hoover on the front so you can buy the missus one and go out for rides together. Pan Am in front obviously (probably give a couple of hours head start) so you don't have any issues with loose gravel.

 

Zen

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

5. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

13. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

 

All so very true.

 

She’s angry....

 

+ 23. Better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you are stupid than to open your mouth and prove it.

 

Help a Yank out here...

You Brits drive on the wrong side of the road, hence, the steering wheels on your cars are on the wrong side.

Why is it then that my British motorcycle's handle bars are in the same position as my American bike's?

 

Except maybe #18. I rest my case.

 

Yep. And I've heard this with a slight variation. "Better to keep your mouth closed and let others think you a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt."

 

Skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer...and a mop.

Bada boom.